WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
