it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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