Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
