I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
