he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
