he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
