Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
