Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
