Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We are two peas in an std pod
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
