i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
