He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we're making bets on your personal life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize