It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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