My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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