I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
