I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
