I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
