What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
