East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
