His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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