he shaved USA in his pubs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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