Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
