I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
