if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
