Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
