2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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