I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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