ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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