If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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