Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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