So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
