I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
