So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
