don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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