You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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