I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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