I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
