I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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