she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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