I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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