i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
