she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
