I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the liver wants what the liver wants
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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