she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
