Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
