I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
