He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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