hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
