I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
