I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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