I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
