marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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