i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
