Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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