.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
