You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
